Friday, 25 February 2011

I hate to ask....But...

CT Scan at CRH on Monday 28Feb at approx 10:40,

Whilst there is so much to pray and wish for in this world can I yet again put in a request for me that all will be well.

Much Love

Tony xxx

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Just be normal....

When things are looking a bit wobbly then just think and do normal things....

Today has not been a 'normal' day in the way that most of us think of the day as normal however little things make it feel okay...actually better than okay...

Fran came back from being away for two days and after chemo on Friday, being without Fran is a little when she came back I told her so...I then preceded to tell her that we had run out of tea-bags which gave the impression that I was glad she was home just so she could get tea-bags...I put her straight on that one!

We had dinner which was a lovely Macaroni, Cauliflower Cheese made with Creme Freche etc (one of Jamie's) and cheese of course...

Then I watched as Fran tried to put up a hat and coat is in the style of those mahogany Victorian stands, came from ebay in loads of bits....however we worked together and made a good job of it...coats finally hanging on a coat hook rather than  on the backs of dining room chairs!

Things are not 'normal' but just sometimes there are little snippets of 'normal' that we should treasure...

Night! :-)

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Oh dear!

Hello Blog,

I am back from chemo yesterday...I have had a bit of a rough time probably the worst yet but when you consider what it's up against it's not going to be a couple of headache tablets and a cup of tea!

My Thursday visit was a bitter-sweet meeting, part of me is pleased and another part no so...but going back to the previous sentence it is what's needed. I was on cycle 6 of Irinotecan and 3 of onco has decided that it is best to carry on with the Irinotecan as I am bearing up well. They are to book me in for a scan asap to see how things are getting on. The most I am hoping for is that I have no trace of cancer in my body (I think that is what is known as a miracle, they have been known to happen) the least is that it has not progressed and maybe in the middle that it has reduced...we will see.

We did have a smile in my review as we were going through the ever growing list of side affects when I told my onco and macmillan nurse that whilst the hair on my head was pretty much okay my armpit hairs had fallen out - we laughed as we said some woman would love to have that problem then agreed it was a little drastic to have chemo. I got to ride my bike to Sheffield and back which was fun...

So after my chemo I felt very nauseous and had to have an extra injection and a lie down in a side room for a couple of hours before I was allowed home...didn't eat until a piece of toast at breakfast and then some soup for lunch...I did what my good wife recommended and stayed in bed from when I got back from hospital until about 10 minutes ago....and suprisingly I have slept for alot of that time which was good.

I had a great week from last Saturday when Colm came for a visit and cooked lunch for us...nice salmon with cous cous was really good...he brought me an early birthday present of a remote controlled helicopter which we took over the field to was so funny when it went up so high the signal couldn't control it so it flew over the trees and someones house and into their back garden...luckily they weren't in so we managed to get it back!

Monday - I went to Coventry with work for a great workshop on a new account we have and then stayed up until past 2am to get a project plan sorted...I will have to keep an eye on that as I payed for that for the rest of the week.

Tuesday - I went to take the minutes at our Church council meeting, it was lovely to see friends there that I just don't get to see enough...lots of serious talk but lots of laughter and prayers too.

Wednesday - I was on an important conference call at home unstairs, the lovely Chris and Colin came round so all I could do was listen to Chris calling from downstairs, I would have loved to see them and have prayer...there will be other times - Round to Wendy and Steve's to celebrate Steve's birthday in the evening...we had lovely Indian food from the Maazi which all enjoyed, lots of clean plates and then we had cakes and cheese and biscuits too...not all about the food, there was lots of fellowship.

Thursday - Oncologist review and blood test (only took two goes this time)...

Friday - Chemo and Biological warfare...all okay now.

Saturday - I am finally realising that I don't want this cancer any more or the treatment although obviously whilst the cancer remains then so will the treatment...difficult to explain...I have not exactly wanted the cancer just that I have never actually not wanted it...more of an acceptance - tears flowed whilst sitting on the toilet of all places...too much information or just saying it like it is!

Well been a busy week so needing to rest...still feeling rough as a bag of spanners but better than I was!

One of my favourite songs at the moment sung by Adele and written by Bob Dylan and is for you all out there who need a 'Tony Hug'

Much Love to all

T xxxx

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Day 430 - Take this cup from me?

To whomever is listening out there...

I am struggling a bit at the moment....In the main I can handle what ever the treatment throws at me, I can handle the side effects however I can't handle the anger that I feel....I can't handle that I may die from what is inside me...

I pray and wonder why God sometimes answers prayers and sometimes he doesn't. What is there that I need to do... Is there someone out there who deserves to have his prayers answered more than I do, Is there a more worthy person than I....

Then I remembered a Rob Bell video...I have watched this a number of times and have started to walk through the anger...part of me wants to hand back the cup and say this is not for me, take it away and put me on a different path and the other part of me wants to accept what has been given to me, what is clearly for me and it is my path wherever it shall lead me!

BUT...What if I take a combination of both paths - I take the path that I am on as I am already on this journey, I continue to learn from it as I have learnt so much already... however I pray that the ending is not set and that I have a long and fruitful future...that is what I am about from here forwards!

This reminds me also of something Minister Lyn said to me and apologies if I don't have this completely right..she said that I am allowed to question the path I may have been given, that god has broad shoulders....I will continue to pray that my path is long...

There, that is better...

I will update next week after my chemo as to what has been happening lately other than me being angry with the world, with God and the universe, angry also with myself for abusing my body for all those years and being overweight and angry at myself for waiting over a year with the symptoms...what I need to make clear is that I am NOT angry with Fran, NOT her fault, so I shall discontinue NOW taking my anger out on her...Sorry!

Tony xxx

Tuesday, 1 February 2011


Thanks to Carole for bringing this to our attention....


The Department of Health have just started a 7 week pilot scheme to attempt to make people more aware of Bowel Cancer. This pilot is initially going to be aimed at two areas in the UK, the East and South West and if they feel it was successful they will then roll it out nationwide.

I've decided to feature it here on my blog for obvious reasons.

Health Minister Paul Burstow said:
“No one likes talking about their poo – it’s embarrassing. But if we see something different and tell our GP it could save our life.
“Early diagnosis makes a huge difference to cancer survival rates and bowel cancer is one of the biggest killers.
That’s why the ‘Be Clear on Cancer’ campaign uses simple messages to make people aware of the early signs of bowel cancer and to give them the confidence to talk to their GP about them.
“To make sure we get it right, we’re testing this campaign in two regions and, if it works, we’ll roll it out nationally.

My only 'gripe' with this campaign is the age range it is targeted at....currently they are aiming to get more over 55's aware but I want EVERYONE to be aware.
The simple facts are this - Bowel Cancer affects approximately 38,000 people per year in the UK.
75% of people fall into the over 60's age group which means that approximately 9,500 people may feel 'This doesn't affect me, I'm too young'....Harsh reality is it COULD affect you so if you have symptoms you need to get them checked.
I was 49 when diagnosed with Rectal Cancer, Stage 3 - my surgeon estimated that my cancer had been growing, silently without obvious symptoms, for anything up to 8 years...that made me potentially around 41 years old when it began. Screening me at 55 would simply have been way too late.
There is no plan to screen earlier but if people notice symptoms then they MUST contact their GP and insist on being checked over.
My message is simple 'If in doubt about it, shout about it'......

If you have any of the higher risk bowel cancer symptoms listed below for more than six weeks you should visit your GP:

  • Bleeding from the bottom (rectal bleeding) without any obvious reason. If you have other symptoms such as straining, soreness, lumps and itchiness the problem is likely to be piles but it’s still important to get this confirmed by your GP
  • A persistent change in bowel habit especially going to the toilet more often or experiencing looser stools for several weeks
  • Abdominal pain especially if severe
  • A lump in your tummy
  • Weight loss and tiredness (signs of anaemia)

Please remember that most of these symptoms will not be bowel cancer, but to rule it out you must first visit your GP.

Reliable information available from

Finally, if you're in the East or South West areas - let me know if you've seen this advertising campaign yet and what you think about it - ie; is it effective; the right message; enough information; too much information; embarrassing; all comments welcomed......

Look after those bowels and 'if in doubt, give the GP a shout'.

p.s. I left my symptoms for a year and look where that got me....

Tony xx