Day 138 Tues 27/04/10

Hello all,

You know what.... I have just read my title bit which says quite clearly 'I have Cancer' - I have just read it over and over as something did not seem quite right...

It may well be that I don't actually have the big C at this moment in time. The operation to remove the bit of my large bowel, rectum and the impacted lymph nodes may have cleared away the nasty cells....here's hoping.

I had my review today after my 12 of 25 radiotherapy sessions...after last time, being told I couldn't have the chemo it is fair to say I was pretty gutted. Today I went armed with some questions and came away with a clear picture of where I am at....Dr F gave a first class account and made me have confidence for the first time in a while

Previous prognosis:

With the type and stage of cancer that I had (stage 3, Duke C rating) and with the surgery, radiotherapy, the oral and IV chemotherapy there was a loose figure of a 52.5% chance of the cancer NOT returning within 5 years - on the opposite and glass half empty side that is a 47.5% chance that the cancer will return within 5 years.

Where I stand today:

Apparently without any treatment at all, that is no radiotherapy and chemo you have a 40% chance of the cancer not returning within 5 years or a 60% chance that it will return - therefore all the pain of the chemo and radiotherapy only gives you an additional 12.5% chance of it not returning within 5 years. I am quite surprised by those percentages as would have thought the treatment would have been a large chunk of the success!

Therefore I am having a good and sustained dose of radiotherapy and no nasty chemo which whilst the odds are not great I am a bit more settled than I was due to the fact the chemo was not adding a massive benefit that it would not return - therefore I am almost at a 50-50 stage.

With the daily EFT sessions with Fran, The prayers from the church buddies, third space prayers and energy, Hillary's prayer circle from across the pond,the support from my pals on the Cancer Research chat room, the love and prayers from my family and friends I stand a pretty good chance of increasing that 50-50 percentage in my favour....keep praying team as it is working.

I tested my stomach on whisky one night and red wine the next as well as some orange fizzy lucozade which all have medicinal properties right, I was wrong and my stoma bag nearly exploded....back to sipping tea and st.marks solution.

If all goes well I hope to be back at work in 6 weeks - that is what I, Richard (my caring boss) and hopefully my care team are aiming for...I am waiting for the results of the scan (proctorgram) to check the surgery join - this will decide hopefully when the stoma reversal will take place.

I am not being connected to daily fluids and my drug regime have been drastically reduced so all is looking good!

I have had some genuinely moving responses from others sharing their experiences of cancer. It is incredible how many of the people I know that have been touched by this disgusting disease...some have been lucky and some not so...I am counting myself amongst the lucky ones.

A short story: my hairdresser today commented that I looked really well and had lost alot of weight..I know her quite well so told her the reason for the initial weight loss and instead of stuttering and stumbling followed by an awkward silence we had a really nice chat for the next 15 mins...just part of my day!

I hope all of you are keeping well as I am aware that there are those amongst you that have your own problems and issues that need our prayers - dont be silent!

Much love,

Tony xx