Day 165 Mon 24/05/10

Hello Blog,

I am talking to blog as it is 01.30 and I am the only one up so no one else to talk to...

Been a strange weekend...today has been one of the most peaceful and relaxing Sundays I can remember..Charlotte popped into town to see Olivia and Fran and I pottered around the house reading, watching TV and relaxing.

I have been getting into my new eating regime...as well as conventional treatment, prayer, EFT and gaining encouragement from friends and family I thought it about time I treated my body right - seeing as the cancer was probably caused by me and my lifestyle I thought I had better sort my self out!

Fran was aware of a doctor who also had an additional sideline in EFT and nutrition. Dr Kate and I had a consultation last week and I now am progressing with a diet sheet which consists of 3 times daily superfood drink which has algae etc among a large number of other good for you items, 3 times daily green vegetable drink made from blended raw spinach, greens, fresh root ginger, fresh lemon and apples. The good thing about the green drink is it is even better than juicing as you just blend the whole lot up...I must admit after a first try where I forgot to wash the spinach and didn't like the grit in the drink it is really pretty good. Also I am to start to drink a high power wheat grass shot which contains cancer beating nutrients.

Finally my diet has to change in order for me to maximise the benefits...a near vegetarian diet and do you know what today I had one of the best and most tasty Sunday dinners ever...Roasting tin with sweet potato, potato, onions, whole garlic cloves, parsnip, carrots all chunked and doused in extra virgin olive oil, fresh herbs, lemon quarters and then seasoned and slow roasted for two hours in the oven, the final 30 mins with the foil off and the temp turned up...bloody tasty and really healthy too!

I want to get my cells healthy and give my body a better than 40% chance of the cancer not returning, for myself and my family, also I really do want to get back to work asap, so to be in as good a position health-wise as I can is a good move - I have a month before surgery so need to flush out my system.

So like I said a strange weekend because whilst all this good positive stuff is happening and I feel loved and in control I had an awful feeling today that I am going to die...no matter what I and others do this is what is going to happen...

Maybe it is just a heightened awareness of my mortality, I just don't know - whatever it is it is a horrible dark feeling that I just keep pushing to the back of my mind and haven't managed to shake yet?!?!

Maybe it is the breathing difficulties I am having on and off that again remind me how fragile we humans are..I think it is just crap on my lungs and/or throat as I keep coughing this horrible stuff up and cant quite get a full breath...I am sure it is nothing bad although I have had it for a couple of months and it is not as bad as it was!

Also fed-up at my stoma as it wont stop leaking due to the position...it should be about 1/2 an inch raised above the hole in my side however true to form it went wrong and lost a stitch...it is now just below the skin level so tends to easily get under the sticky tape join...I went to the pub on Sat night with Fran and Charlotte just to get out and sit in the garden but had to come home as stoma leaking...I said at the time that I should be fed-up and depressed however we as a family just got on with it...Even the laying on the bed for an hour and a half to change didn't bother me...maybe that is why I feel so strange as bottling up the emotions...It leaked again on Sunday afternoon so had to be changed and whilst I am typing I can see a leak which if unchecked can be messy... :-(

Good job that this blog is just to 'blog' as people may think I am going off my trolley!

Hope all are well and healthy.

Much Love

Tony