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Sunday, 20 December 2009

Day 10 - Sun 20/12/09

Not much going on today....snowed quite a bit, Fran went to work at Maggie's and I had a good rest. Charlotte had a duvet day in her jammies which cheered her up. I feel bad that I didn't go to church as I really should go and say my prayers. It also shows committment to Matlock Moor. Had a nice email from Eilleen to say they only had 4 people there so went to the Bank Road service which sounded quite nice in the end. Hope all are well as I do worry about Matlock Moor, they are a good bunch and another extended family...

Not really looking forward to the cystoscope tomorrow morning as they will put a camera in a place no man should ever have a camera put. However it is necessary to check out my bladder etc, fingers crossed! I am also hoping for a response from the hospital so at least I will know what is happening.

I hate to say it and it doesn't feel like normal but I am actually bored sitting about although weirdly dont want to do much...I may have shut off any reactions until I actually know what is going on so almost in denial although not quite as there is still this dark nagging thought in my head, oh and the pain in the buttocks too - am I in shock, falling apart, upset, angry, strangely none of these. I feel unbothered by it all although I have my moments when reality kicks in just for a moment and I have a couple of sniffles, then I crack on...got to be brave for Catherine, Bean and of course my Fran. There are far worse off than me so factual and straight is the only way....and in the end it could all be a bad infection so no use over reacting...

Night all!

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