Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Day 12 - Tue 22/12/09

Blimey, just typing the 22/12 brings it home how close we are to Christmas Day and the birthday of Jesus Christ...

Fran came back from being away at Maggie's for Sunday and Monday..I feel bad that I was agitated and didn't want to hug when she came back..not nice of me and I am sorry (I will tell her that later rather than just leaving it in type)...

Colin and Chris called shortly after Fran got home and it was lovely to see and chat with them. I seem compelled to tell my story as it is so far and so far no ones told me to shut up. Although I don't want to talk with everyone and want to hide away at home.

I have questioned again what I am feeling and to be honest during an EFT session with Fran it is because I feel unworthy of all the attention and prayer...surely there is someone out there who needs it more?? I have come to realise today that I am worthy and it is not my choice who is going to send me best wishes and pray for me - by definition that it is others choice means I am worthy...also if it is found to be Cancer I need all the prayers now and not to wait a moment longer.

Anyways Chris and Colin's visit, conversation and prayers helped a lot...I wish I could have a member of the Matlock Church community praying with me every day!

Lynn our minister called to check on news and apologised for being a pest, how can she be when she has my best interest at heart. Some would say it is her job to care but the fact she has chosen that profession is the special part (or did God choose her)...David from Matlock Moor also called to check if there was any news, these are all busy people who are taking time out to care, their choice :-)

As you may have guessed still no phone call. I phoned the Dr's surgery and left a message with the Gastro-Enterology secretary at Chesterfield RI...I can only wait and dont want to be a pest however one has to ask why no call when this is such an important subject to me and those around me...Day 12 after being told I probably have Cancer only Dr Paul has called...I need to know either way so I know who my adversary is or is not!

Maybe tomorrow the call will come.

Not been a bad day, although I have had two lots of Ibroprofen today in 12 hrs, cant focus or get comfortable...also my bloody kidneys hurt, probably overworked after going to the toilet every hour of the day and night!

Not been out today so will have to watch that one....

Night All, off for me bath and a cuppa..need my beauty sleep

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